Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
