Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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