If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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