I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize