how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
