All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Randomize
