sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
If I die, sorry about rent.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
