He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
