you didnt know i had herpes?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
