If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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