fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
