My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
