I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
