ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
He felt like a one man threesome
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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