just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize