I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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