Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Randomize
