You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
