I never want to see another naked old woman again.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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