last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
did you just send me my own nude
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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