I looked at my own cervix.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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