God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize