I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
