I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
