Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize