May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize