I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
