She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
where does the pee come out of this thing
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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