Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
