I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
BRING THE BAGELS
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
