so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
