She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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