I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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