Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
