Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
