so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
