How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize