No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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