my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
