in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
