I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
