i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
