I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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