i can't believe i had my finger in that
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
