She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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