She's JV to your varsity
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
