I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
