After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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