I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
