I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
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