after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
