i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize