Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Randomize
