There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
No subtext here. People are naked.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
