I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
