why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
