I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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