scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
