The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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