A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize
