he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
