that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
