Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize