i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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