There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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