I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
