I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
